Monday, June 29, 2009

Days go Bye..... I can't tell you how sad it is to have my son gone as I dont have the words to express it. At 7 am on Saturday morning I got the phone call I was waiting for. I have never moved so fast out of bed with pen and paper in my hand!!! Shane was on the other end to tell me he made it to San Antonio and read off his address. We said we loved each other and he said he was fine. He sounded tired to me and I can only imagine the kid that loved to sleep in til noon is tired!! Reveille plays at 4:45 in the morning and they have a mere 15 minutes to shower, shave and be downstairs for physical conditioning. OH MY is all I can say!! Shane is no early riser!! The day ends with Taps at 9pm. lights out. As you might imagine I am thrilled to have an address now. At least a part of me feels I'm talking to him even if its days before he ever receives the letters. I write everyday .. I'm told its great for their morale and helps them stay connected to loved ones. So with each day I countdown to graduation... I CAN'T WAIT!!!

I finally was able to finish dressing one of the many naked doll bodies I've been talking about for weeks. Santa Sam was listed today on ebay
It has taken me some time to sit and think about something besides my sadness... so there is hope for me at the end of the tunnel!! Each day is a little easier and my hopes are to get these dolls dressed here!! One of Shane's biggest concerns was how I would deal with him leaving and he wouldn't want me sad and crying all the time. So I am trying!!! Alot of praying and well wishes from family and wonderful email friends.. I thank you all it means alot. ;)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Well he is gone.... and I will tell you I am the saddest I think I have been in so many years... I guess you don't realize what you have until its gone. All the times he may have upset me or stressed me out, all the laundry etc. Id take it all back in a heartbeat. I try to be strong and I find myself talking to God alot,,,but all it takes is seeing something that reminds me of him, or going in his room and the smell of his cologne in there and I'm a wreck!! I just miss him so much!!
Yesterday morning we met at MEPS... he was sworn in and signed on the dotted line. Then we sat, he ate lunch and they called them all in for travel briefings. There were about 10 of them... About a half hour later they came out of the room.. and out the front door. Shane hugged me tight, told me he loved me and that was it.... he was gone. Some were on one flight and then others on another... He was to arrive in San Antonio at 10:16 BUT there was a bad thunderstorm in Denver where they had to land midway and they ended up in Colorado Springs for the night. Finally this morning at 7 am I had a call from him that they were boarding the plane to Fort Worth, Texas and then on a flight to San Antonio. All finally went as planned and the last text I received from him at 1:55 my time said "I'm sooo torn up physically". That was the last text... I think stress and things really were taking their tole on the three of them. He was really worried that they were all a day behind and would get really yelled at for being late... even though it was due to weather.... So now I sit here alone tonight and just have to learn to deal with what is. I probably wont be much good to anyone for a few days... Don't worry about me I am going to be fine. Its just going to take some time to be alone and deal with it all. I am looking forward to the phone call I hear might be Sunday to tell me his address to write him at. I also know it will probably be about 38 seconds and he will be under stress to do it and get it all out correctly. I just pray things go okay for him and he stays strong.... I will be back to normal before long...

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Yep I'm having a pity party and having it alone!! I just gotta write before things drive me nuts.... Have you ever been asked to do something for someone, not just asked but hounded to do something over and over?? To the point you say alright already and just get it done and over with?? BUT... when someone is supposed to do something for you.... its like pulling teeth to get anything in return? You can work your butt off for someone or others and what do you get in return?? I tell ya... the last few months I have been in this position more than once. I guess you can say I start to feel taken advantage of. In my everyday life and in my business.. it truly can be heart wrenching at times. I wont elaborate but there have been a few things that have just sat in my stomach and now they have soured horribly to the breaking point. With Shane leaving tomorrow I think Ive reached a breaking point!!!
I did manage to list an angel yesterday. Other dolls still lay naked on the table. High hopes today to take my mind off of everything going on and hopefully sew, but truthfully, I'm not my chipper self... my stomach is in knots and I am depressed.. its me for now and probably for days to come. I'll be fine in a few days...but for now this pity party is mine.....

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Another beautiful day here?? Cloudy but supposed to warm up. Yesterday was Shane's 20th birthday. Hard to believe its been 20 years!! Kids just grow up too fast! What happened to the days when I was young and Christmas and summer vacations took so long to arrive? Now I blink and they are back!! Or finding out what day bootcamp starts and we had months... now we are counting days!! Life is just moving oh too fast!!!

I have managed to finish a few dolls. Abigail and Ameritina were listed yesterday on ebay. Just plugging away here!! Many naked doll bodies and two scrub tops I need to get working on. Maybe once Shane is off to bootcamp I can focus on my sewing more to take my mind off of things. At least I can hope!

Hey Mom... No I cant take anymore cats!! Five indoors is too many!! Yours are just adorable though... Id be so loving on that little Siamese!!!I am thinking you need to get it fixed and its mom!!!
Another day... gotta get busy and work on something here!! Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Wow where is the time going?? I haven't blogged in awhile. One more week and Shane leaves..:( Yesterday we had a small barbecue here at the house with friends of his. A few more showed up that didn't make my nuisance picture taking.. lucky them!!! All in all I think Shane really enjoyed the get together and it meant alot to have his friends here to say good luck. I think the friendships here will be missed. Steve ordered a yummy cake... to which I accidentally put my finger in before it was even cut into!! Could've died. I was taking it out of the box carefully... moving onto the dining room table, sat it down and for some reason my finger slipped and there it went into the side of the cake... LOL. Story of my life!!! The cake was very yummy though!! White cake with white buttercream frosting.. MY FAVORITE! Steve invited his parents over... well if you have read my blogs you know that last Thanksgiving his mom had to ruin my day talking politics and religion. Well yesterday she just had to put in her two cents on "WHY WOULD YOU EVER ORDER A WHITE CAKE..... I ALWAYS ORDER CHOCOLATE!!!" UMMM... excuse me??? Did you pay for it?? Sometimes its better to keep ones mouth shut!!! Then as all the boys were together at the dining room table one had to leave, so he said his good byes. As he walked out the door Steve's dad said... WOW he sure looks a hell of a lot better since he lost weight!! Now in a family setting that's fine...but in front of the kids friends??? OH MY!! What happened to if you don't have nothin nice to say don't say nothin at all??? Didn't they watch BAMBI??? lol Anyways.... all in all the day was nice and I am pooped.
I finally got a nice pic of Laresa and Seth!! She has been sick all week with a sinus infection and thinks she looks horrible ( I wish I looked so horrible!!) but I couldn't resist taking the picture. The two of them don't come over together very often so I clicked a pic!!
Today might very well be a day to get a patriotic doll done I have been working on. I need to focus on my sewing and get my mind off of other things depressing. So onward I go...take each day and dread the countdown!!!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Well today I finally finished a Santa..with a patriotic touch to it. Gosh I would so much rather make Santa's all year than anything else... guess that's where my heart really is. I have more naked ones laying on the floor and some that are dressed and boxed waiting for the holidays to arrive... blink and they will be here no doubt!!
The days are going fast and my son has a countdown going. I myself like to not think about it , yet I find myself thinking of the day we make the drive up to Portland, get a motel room have one day together and then he will be off. I play it over and over in my head. What I should say?? Should I try my hardest not to cry?? LOL IMPOSSIBLE!! I know I need to reassure him I am proud of him first and foremost... its just going to be tough. My husband will be off to a memorial golf tournament that weekend and then off to a fire conference that whole week so I will be here alone. Maybe that's a good thing, no one asking me if I'm okay. I will no doubt do the crying on his bed like I did when he left for college and looking at his clothes etc. My cats will all think I'm nuts... Okay... that's enough I need to stop thinking!!!
On another note. Brian is back in the hospital having another round of treatment. His lesions have shrunk since the last round and they are moving forward with more. HE IS GOING TO BEAT THIS!!! So again prayers are very much appreciated for him and his family. My sister Rhonda sent this blog link to me earlier today. They had their family photos taken and they look wonderful!!! Brian looks great and well the family together is a blessing...
I have seven naked doll bodies laying here waiting for paint to dry on their shoes!!! I see progress!!! Three Santa bodies are naked and need clothes in the worst way and I am working on a special order Santa. So I have been busy.... of course they aren't dressed and that's where my brain seems to not function these days... So I will close for tonight... work on a special order and hopefully make some progress on it... tomorrows a new day!!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Adele was finished today and listed on ebay!! I was asked if I am coming out of my funk?? LOL. I can't say I am, as the ideas aren't flowing.. not even sure day to day what I am going to do or create. I'd like to wake up one morning and have ideas flowing... ideas of things to make no one has seen. Just to BE CREATIVE!! But in turn I struggle and maybe that is normal for artists I don't know....
I started to work on my items for the WSOAPP shoppe. Crossing my fingers to stay focused in this sewing room. We have wet drippy weather outside/thunderstorms so I'm not biting the bit to get in the yard to work. I think I've just got alot going on in my head these days.

I was going downstairs to do laundry and noticed a piece of paper folded up on the floor. Not sure why I unfolded it as I normally just throw paper away..I hate paper!! But... I unfolded it to find this note.... Something Shane had written years ago, signed on the back To: Mother From: Shane . With him leaving I can't tell you what it means to find this at such a strange time out of nowhere. Kinda like it was mean't to be as I haven't a clue how it got down on the floor. I vaguely remember this given to me years ago on Valentines Day... This little piece of paper is so special now!!! I make myself sick thinking about him leaving so I try to put it out of my head but truthfully I'm not doing a very good job at it!

Yesterday I went to my doctors office just to stop in and request a prescription change to a generic hormone. I've been paying $23.89 a month for my hormones and wanted a cheaper one. So I go in rather than calling and being put on hold etc. I proceed to tell the desk clerk what I was asking and she said would you like to see him today? I said sure!! Well that requires I go back downstairs and check in.. and give my $25.00 copay!!! UGH crap but I do it.... About 45 minutes later I finally get called in a room.... get my blood pressure taken 122/76. Great,,, I'm pleased. Doctor comes in and asks me what is wrong and what can he do to help me. LOL I tell him I just wanted a prescription change to which he apologizes for the girls making me get an appointment... Too late the money was gone by then! I love to pay money to just TALK to someone!!! Anyways...he changes my prescription and lets me know I don't have to have paps etc anymore and my risk for breast cancer is very slim BUT.... I probably should go have that mammogram just to be safe... Oh special!!! So I get to dread June 12th now.. Crap right on top of Shane leaving I have to dread something else! Now I know,, its really no big thing, just like going to the dentist is no big thing. But I hate anything that changes my days.. I like getting up in the morning and doing what I want when I want... I don't like appointments unless its for coffee with a friend! So I will be complaining about this boob squishing til the 12th passes!!! I did get a prescription for $3.33 though so all was not bad!!!
Nothing else much going on here... I need to get busy and get this brain working!!! Have a wonderful day!!

Monday, June 1, 2009

I don't want to turn the page today!! ITS JUNE on the calendar!!! Where have the months gone?? This is my dreaded month.... the month I know I should be happy about. My son going off into the Air Force, career path, financial security for him. BUT....... I'm selfish, I don't want him to leave me... I could have him live in our home forever right?? Reality check, I need to let him move on with his life, he is excited about his future and he does need to grow up and be a man. I gotta keep telling myself He will be fine and I will be fine in time and HE is making the right choice. So I will walk to the wall and turn the page.. each day will get harder til I know he is in San Antonio safe then its in Gods hands.
So other than a slap in the face today, a reality check I did manage to finally finish one doll and list on ebay. Miracles still happen!! Still in a funk I cant get out of... I need a swift kick in the bottom!!! The weather is drippy with rain on the way so maybe I will sit in this room today and work on dressing the naked dolls.... Its a thought anyways!!!